A Barrel Roll: A Day In The Life Of EVE Online

First off, a little preface - We were War Dec'd roughly a week and a half ago. The corporation, you may ask? Why, I believe they're called "The Swiss Cheese Connection". At the time of them declaring war upon us, they had one member - the venerable (cough) Solo Wulf, or as he we have taken to calling him, Notsosolo Wolf.

So we, as a wormhole corporation, get dec'd by a one man corporation based out of Niyabainen. Coincedence? Probably not, as that's where we keep our HiSec roots. To be honest we had no intention of ever heading outside to pick on him (honest!) but - as things usually go - one of our members got bored and decided to pick himself a fight. We'd done our research. We knew the guy was glued to Niyabainen like a gerbil up Richard Gere's ass, so our lone Drake pilot (God, we fly a lot of Drakes..) knew exactly where to find him. I was content to sit back and let him have his fight - I was fairly confident he'd come out on top - and listen to the goings on, until the following occured:

Lone Drake pilot engages Solo Wulf in a Rupture. Keep in mind that the Drake pilot in question hasn't bothered with fitting a point, as he's only in it for lulz. To my surprise, the Rupture sticks around to fight, almost getting dropped by a T2 fit PvE Drake, before quickly accepting a new application to his corporation. A Tengu, flown by Sia Alexandria, warps in and blows up the Rupture followed shortly by the Drake. I suppose this was to ensure that they kept the killmail out of our grubby little paws, but I took offense.

..As did a few other combat pilots online at that point in time. We don't mind losing, you see, as we live in W-Space. Losing there is pretty much a given, at some point. However, I do mind losing to some little no-talent hoser who has to exploit game mechanics to get a kill for his killboard. Before long, we're headed in their direction.

I'm flying in a Ferox, which should tell you exactly how much I think of these two chuckleheads. Along with the Ferox we have a Manticore, a bait-fit Maller, and the Drake pilot's refit. As I was coming into system, the Tengu engaged. I did a rough estimate of the damage involved, docked up, and bided my time. Eventually Solo must have decided he needed a different ship, so he leaves system. The Tengu pilot swaps to a Deimos, an Orca shows up, and somewhere in there I get a case of the fuckits.

I undock, engage the Deimos, followed shortly by the Manticore engaging. Before long the Drake and the Maller join in, and we're going to town. I guess the Deimos pilot panics, and decides to attempt the Orca trick. You know the one - the pilot ejects, the Orca drops another ship and scoops the original, and the pilot is on his/her way in a new ship, or at least with greatly improved combat odds. She ejects from her Deimos, and boards a Legion, just in time to watch her Deimos go pop.

Yep, you heard me. I guess the Orca pilot-alt had sticky keys, or got distracted by a porn site - but without fail (or perhaps with fail), she ejected from the Deimos and the Manticore promptly blew it up.

A little sparring with the Legion and it's going down. I de-agress, and dock up - it switches to the Maller. I repair, undock, and get back to work - and believe it or not, the Legion is going down. It pops the Maller and manages to dock into the Orca at roughly 6% armor - also having taken a fair bit of structure damage.

They did manage to score a kill on the Maller, but in the grand scheme of things, the tally looks like this..

Us:
-1 Maller (Went down in combat, the pilot fighting for the whole time..)
Total Value: Just over 12 million ISK
Total monetary damages taken by the pilot: 4 million ISK.


Them:
-1 Deimos (Went down after being ejected from, victim of FAIL and/or internet porn..)
Total Value: Just over 143 million ISK
Total monetary damages taken by the pilot: A fuckton more than 4 million ISK.

So let me end this with a message. If you're stupid - or think you might be stupid - keep playing EVE! You make my time here SO enjoyable.

Durr Hurr Hurr,
Alathus Christensen